Aquaphoenix is a combination of 2 regenerative elements for me: water and fire. As a Scorpio, I was born under a Water Sign. In addition to being one of my Totems, the Phoenix is another symbol of Scorpio. So Aquaphoenix is rich with symbolism and connection for me.
After I go through traumatic, confusing or painful times in my life, I toss myself into my soul's inner fiery furnace, feel the experience fully, "kill/prune" that part of me that is no longer healthy or needed and then rise from the ashes as a Phoenix renewed in growth, strength and courage. Admittedly it's intense and a bit unorthodox in approach, but very effective!
To truly live, I believe we each go through a series of "deaths"...in the words of Nietzsche,"What doesn't kill us, DOES make us stronger".
In contrast to the fire, I also plunge myself into the depths of water to find solace and healing or simply to explore life and challenge myself. I'm at home on or in or under the water, whether swimming, kayaking in harmony with wind and waves, peacefully fly fishing in a river, or standing and steadily bracing myself in 6' surf as its liquid power humbles me.
Another friend asked me if I'm ever afraid when I'm kayaking alone over open water. I'm never afraid on the water. I know the rules out there. It's me against the elements and Mother Nature. I have to pay attention to what is going on around me. If I get in trouble, there is no one to blame but myself. I prepare for the worst and come through the experience with confidence and pride.
It's when I'm on land that it seems to "go to hell". I don't feel always comfortable being human. Sounds weird I know. The rules and games of life, society and relationships are daunting at best and life threatening at worst. I've been at the end of both spectrums and in-between.
On the water, I rely on my compass and the stars to point the way to safety, freedom and balance. On land, my compass seems to spin out of control simply trying to maintain course, trying to "keep up" with the Game of Life. When I'm on land, I long for the solitude of water. When I'm on water, I long for the companionship of human contact. And caught in between is the paradox of feeling like I don't really belong in either world....
So caught between water and fire, its the "steam" that drives me. Drives me inward, outward and onward. Hoping that someday it "all" makes sense. I believe this is why sweat lodges appeal to me so much. Hidden within the "womb" of the Sacred Space, water and fire meet to create steam, permeating the cracks, the chinks of my human armor and allow me to connect with others and with something Bigger than myself. After crawling out of the Lodge, it's a transcendent moment, like being born all over again.
Two quotes that inspire and motivate me:
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time. ~ Jack London
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire. ~ Fred Shero
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